I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
