ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
