my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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