I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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