and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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