I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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