I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
