I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize