I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
