ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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