I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
