come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
