just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
