Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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