so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
