its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
