i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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