so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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