You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
