Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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