I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
