it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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