So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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