lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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