trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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