When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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