I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
