I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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