i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
