cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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