I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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