I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
