Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
