There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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