Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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