I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
