I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
