Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
