I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
