At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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