I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I would fuck him just for his dog
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