C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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