Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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