Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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