my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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