you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
