so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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