Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
