I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
