last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
