i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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