I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize