watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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