my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
