I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hippo gnu deer
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
