At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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