Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
do nipples grow back?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
