so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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