She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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