last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
