in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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