meet me or not, i'm out of control
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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